Tea Parties
by kab16
Summary: “I look over at James. And when he isn’t looking back, something inside of me shatters. He still loves her.” please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

"I look over at James. And when he isn't looking back, something inside of me shatters. He loves her."

_**Oneshot about some of Juliet's thoughts during The Incident. Reviews appreciated!**_

_Tea Parties_

I stand there, listening to Rose and Bernard. The love, you can see it in their eyes. A couple that was meant to be. Two people who were destined for each other since the beginning of time.

No one would know, without the help of a file, that they were only together for less than a year before the crash.

It just goes to show you that it's never too late to find your love.

My mind wonders back to James, as it so often does. Three years ago, I would never have imagined us.

Love can sneak up on you. It can be hiding in places you wouldn't dream of looking, you wouldn't _want_ to look.

Sawyer? The man who hated me? The one who first saw me standing there on the beach, unwanted and unwelcome, and responded with a cold, "What the hell is she doing here?" The man who played the tape I had been forced to make for Ben to get the entire camp to despise me?

I didn't want to love him. Not then.

But, we _did _look. We looked into each other, and we liked what we saw. _Loved_ what we saw. And now, three years later, I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to think about what would have happened if I went on that sub, if Jack and Kate didn't leave, if Sawyer didn't jump.

Endless possibilities. A thousand little decisions that determine the future. It makes you wonder what is really meant to be. One wrong choice can lead to another and another, and soon your whole life is off track.

I try not to think about it. I try not to think about everything we all could have done differently to make it so that James and I were never together. I try not to think about what would have happened if the helicopter had enough fuel for all of them. I try not to think about what could have been if Jack jumped and James stayed.

Of course, that wouldn't happen. Jack is not James. Jack may try to fix things, but he's not a hero.

I am faintly aware of the conversation going on around me. I decide to join in.

"Rose, we just need to know which way the Dharma barracks are from here so we can stop Jack. Or you're going to be dead. We all are."

"So we die. We just care about being together."

I smile at the look the two give each other. Love. Pure love.

I look over to James. They are right. We'll do what we can, but if we die, we die. And we'll do it like we always have, having each other's backs.

I look over just in time to see him glance sadly at Kate. Maybe even unknowingly. But he looked at her. He chose her.

"That's all that matters in the end."

I looked at him, and when he did not look back, something inside of me shatters. The capsule I had carefully constructed to hold everything I didn't want to admit. The tea kettle, screeching to let the boiling secrets out. It breaks open, letting all of the words and images I had hidden in there pour out.

_Seeing them in the cages. Him giving everything up to save her. Jumping out of the helicopter. Always waiting for her to come back._

He still loves her.

I looked away, unable to take it. I was the second choice, I always was. He was everything I wanted and she was everything I couldn't be. He loved me, but it was different. He might stay with me because he feels he has to, but he'll always want her.

He'll always love Kate.

It's funny how love can sneak up on you. You can make yourself believe that it has moved someplace else, only to find that you were really just housing it until its true owner came back.

I fake a smile as I follow James and Kate back into the jungle when really all I want to do is cry.

"Are you sure you don't want some tea?" Bernard asks.

I turn to him, remembering childhood tea parties. Laughing as I moved from one stuffed animal to the next, pouring tea into their empty cups. A table surrounded by friends who loved me, who could only look where I made them look. Little creatures who couldn't use a look like knives to cut right through me.

Tea would be nice.

But then again, it wasn't the tea that made the parties. It was the people I shared it with.

"Maybe another time." I walk away, carrying the thoughts of Sawyer and Kate with me and leaving the shattered kettle that once contained them behind.

_**I might do a second chapter about Juliet's thoughts when she is falling, if enough people want me to. Please review! **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sorry about the long wait! Thanks so much for the reviews! **_

_**Also, this goes to teh-Sara. I was inspired to write this story after reading her Look. Teh-Sara, I hope you're not mad at me! **_

_Chapter Two_

The bomb falls out of his hands. I brace myself for whatever is about to come.

_Maybe we were never supposed to be together. But maybe we were. Maybe we were always supposed to be together._

Of course I chose now to have second thoughts.

I clench my teeth together, silently begging for time to rewind. I couldn't have another second to think. I couldn't stand this Juliet that is so vulnerable and unsure.

I want to go back to the when I was strong and independent Juliet.

And I want to stay here with James forever.

The seconds seem to stretch into hours. Jack, Kate and James all open their eyes, checking their surroundings. It's the same as it was a minute ago. The gun is still in my hands. The construction site is still around us. James is still here. I'm still aching.

"This don't look like LAX."

As if my heart shattering wasn't enough for one day, my mind now snaps too. The band, stretching to keep my thoughts in check, has reached its limit and my thoughts run wild.

_Of course it didn't work._

_But if it didn't erase, does that mean we are meant to be?_

_But he looked at her…_

_Can I really let one little look erase the last three years?_

_The cages, the helicopter…_

_The flaming arrows, the sub. The flower…_

I couldn't take much more of this.

Echoing all I am feeling, the ground begins to shake. Things start to fly around us. The structures crack and fall. It all becomes as broken as I am.

Its chaos everywhere, but I can't seem to move. I watch it all unfold, thinking again how one wrong choice leads to another and another and suddenly you are stuck with no idea how you got there and no idea where you should go.

Was this really what we supposed to do? Or was I just desperate for a way to erase the pain?

Before I can even begin searching for the answer, a chain wraps around me. I fall to the ground and am dragged towards the hole.

I let out a scream.

"Help!"

"Juliet!" Kate comes running towards me. She grabs hold of the chain, but it isn't enough.

"Come on!" She yells. "Sawyer!"

I can't hold back another scream as the chains become tighter around my body; the pull harder to resist.

"Sawyer!" Kate tries again desperately. Everything becomes distant as I try and find something to hold onto. Nothing is strong enough.

My bloody hand slips off the metal bar. I am about to die.

In that last second, I think of James. I love him, and he loves me, and that's all that really matters. When two people love each other, they should be together.

And I'll never get the chance to tell him I was wrong.

I start to fall with so much left unsaid. I close my eyes and can't stop screaming until I feel a hand on mine. My eyes open in shock. I knew that hand all too well.

"Where do you think you're going, Blondie?"

He came. He always has my back.

I almost smile, but the chains continue to crush me. I groan as I try to resist the pain.

"Kate! Help me get those chains off!" She leans over me as I frantically try to pull myself up with no success. I could feel myself slipping.

"Hold on!" Sawyer orders. "You hold on!"

"I can't," I cry. I was so desperately to listen to him. I try again to move. "I can't get up."

There have been other times when I thought the world would crash down on me. When Rachel told me she had cancer, when I realized Ben would never let me leave. When I was held hostage with a broken plate against my neck, leaving me helpless as Jack began to open the door leading to the ocean and Ben ran out, leaving us to drown. When I was about to be executed.

But this time was different. This time, there is no way out. This time, I am starring right into the eyes of all I want, and-all because of me-I won't ever be able to have it.

"I got you."

"I can't," Kate says. Everything is moving too quickly. The pain, the breaking, his screams and mine, they all blur together.

This is it.

"I can't reach them."

This is the end.

"You hold on."

I look at him, knowing I can't hold on much longer.

"I got you."

Eventually, he'll have to let go.

The structure above me begins to break.

"Sawyer," Kate cries.

_He'll die too…_

And with that realization, I have the strength to let go.

I loosen my grip on his hand.

He tightens his. "Don't you leave me."

_I have to. _

"It's okay."

"_Don't_ you leave me. You hold on!"

With only seconds left, I tell him the only thing that really matters. "I love you."

"No!" He pleads. "You don't let go!"

"I love you, James." I let myself cry. _I'm doing this for him._

"No!"

I feel the heavy metal continue to split. I have to let go. I have too.

And so I say one last thing. "I love you so much."

And then I let go.

*

At first I don't realize that I'm not dead. And then I feel the pain.

My eyes open. I can't move. The broken pieces of the swan surround me. Could it not have fallen on me? Could it not have killed me?

I'm trapped. Everything hurts. His face is all that I see. His cries echo within me. This is all I have until death comes.

When will that be?

And since there is nothing left to do, I cry.

Then I see the bomb. The bomb that was supposed to bring them back. The bomb that was supposed to send James home.

It never went off.

It takes all I have to twist onto my side. To pick up the rock. To hit the bomb again and again.

I do it to escape the pain.

I do it to save him.

I do it to make up for what I did before.

I do it because I love him.

I do it because I'm supposed to be the one

To get his back.


End file.
